I Found a New Drug

I found something that is changing my life, for the better! A couple of months ago I bought a bicycle, mostly so I wouldn't have to rely on a bus to get places. It has been life changing. Not only do I now have a new means of transportation, but I am getting exercise and in shape at the same time. I highly recommend it as a form of exercise because you can ride at any age, weight, or athletic ability.

Seattle has a wonderful bike trail that approximately 20 miles long. It then connects with one in Redmond. If you bike both trails it is about a 50 mile ride. I have done that ride once this year, and plan to do many more. On most days I ride quite a bit fewer miles, but it is nice to know I can do it. The other benefit of riding this trail is all the nice looking cyclists. They have great legs.

Last week I signed up to ride in an event put on by the American Lung Association. It is a 3 day event biking around some beautiful islands in Washington state. Who knows, maybe I will meet someone nice?

Being Single

I think single middle aged women have a tatoo on their forehead that says "Hi, I'm over 40, single, and vulnerable. Take advantage of me!" I've had my fare share of experiences in this department.

There was the time a guy lead me on, I was weary of his intentions, was stupid and was left for a women much older than me. That was a new one! Then there are the men that spot you in public and figure you would be harmless to bother like the guy at the bus stop that wanted to massage my feet! These sort of things never happened to me when I was young and single. Somehow men can just tell how vulnerable I am. I'm thinking of getting a ring to wear on my hand so I can avoid these kind of encounters which I don't need.

Don't get me wrong, I would like to be dating, but dating someone normal. I've tried online dating which so far has been a disaster. They are either men I can tell are not honest or they are tech geeks with no social skills. Where are the normal men my age?!!!! Oh that's right, they are married with kids. Darn it!

Moving On

It has now been 3 years since my relationship ended. A lot has happened in that time- I've lost 2 cars, most of my belongings, spent many months living from place to place without a real home, was laid off my job, and somehow I've ended up happier than I was with my partner. I am looking at this period of my life as a new beginning and a chance to live the kind of life I have always wanted. It has not been an easy journey and there are challenges I still have to hurdle, but all in all I would say I am happy.

Not having transportation has its challenges, but I look at it as a chance to do something good for the environment, and my body as well. I bought a bicycle to get around town and to get some exercise. Living in Seattle it rains a lot, so when the sun is out it is wonderful to be able to be outdoors. There is no better way to travel than on a bike in the warm sun. On days when biking is not an option, I have a bus pass that gets me almost anywhere I need to go. On occasions a car is necessary. Zip Car is a wonderful low cost option to owning a car.


The nice thing about not having a lot of possessions is you don't need a lot of room to store them. I am currently renting a small room and all of my belongings have their place. Minimizing is something I've never done and I have to say I am liking it. I now look at every thing I own and say to myself "Is this a necessity? If not, in the garbage it goes.

I couldn't have lucked out more in my current living situation. I am living with 2 other artists and we are creating a business together. Our living room is now a photography studio and gallery space. This has solved 2 problems at once. Where to live and where to work.



All of this would not have been possible had my relationship never ended. It is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Temporary Insanity

I moved into a house with a woman with 3 dogs and 2 cats. I originally thought this would be nice for my dog as she would not be lonely when I was not home. The house was chaos! The other 3 dogs were hyper and barked all of the time, making my dog hyper as well. It was always such a disruption I couldn't stand to be home because I could never relax amidst all of that confusion.

Then came the attempted manipulation for me to get rid of my dog. My housemate would tell me that she thought her oldest dog was going to kill my dog in an attempt to make me afraid for the safety of my dog. This was odd because whenever I saw the two of them together, they were cuddled up on a dog bed as happy as could be. Then the housemate would go into hysterics that my dog ate this or that. This was interesting since there were 4 dogs in the house, but my dog ate it. I would tell her that my dog didn't usually eat things, but she would rant and rave that I was going to have to pay for said missing item. Then it would always miraculously be found. After several of these episodes I was quite over it.

Two weeks after I moved in I was told by the housemate that the heating system didn't work. At first I wasn't alarmed by this, but as winter started to set in, it became apparent it was going to be a problem. She didn't believe in putting curtains on her windows and we had hard wood floors. Also as winter was setting in, the hot water heater broke and she couldn't afford to fix it. So I had to inconvenience friends to let me take showers at their place. It was well over a month before that was fixed. During all this time, she also made me pay full rent and utilities. The confusing part is how could their even be utility bills? She would never show me a bill, she would leave me a note as to how much I owed.

The final straw came when we were snowed in. She used this opportunity to give me 25 minute lectures on how I didn't ring the sponges out to her liking, etc, etc. That pretty much did it for me. I emailed a friend who told me to come and stay with him for a while. So I packed up my car and my dog and left.

I remained bitter.....

A Place to Call Home Continued....

When Mr. Ex told me he wanted to sell the condo and I was going to have to move, I was devistated. It really was the last thing I could afford. After much searching on Craig's List, I found a woman who wanted to rent out a room at an affordable price and in an area I wanted to live. Everything looked like it was going to work out and I looked forward to the new chapter in my life. Two days before I was to move in, she called me and told me the agreement had fell through. I now had 2 days to decide what I was going to do!

I was wallowing in self pitty when a friend said I could stay at his place for a few weeks until I found a new place. This worked out well as we were both students at the photography school and I was able to find another room on Craig's List.

Things were about to get ugly......

A Place to Call Home

One of my first concerns after the break up was where I was going to live. Mr. Ex and I eventually came to the agreement that I would continue to live in the condo and he would move out. He moved in with the woman he was seeing behind my back. I should be angry with her, but I feel only pity, for she does not know that he is now cheating on her. Why do women not listen to the old saying – Once a cheater, always a cheater. How can one be so naïve to think they will not do the same to them?

I live in the condo for a few years, and then he decided he wanted to sell it. This is the one issue that sticks in my craw so to speak. I supported us for the thirteen years we were together, which gave him the opportunity to buy the condo outright. So he made me leave and he is selling the condo and keeping all of the money for himself. On the bright side I learned an important lesson. If I am in a relationship every thing is 50/50 no exceptions. Ever.

Since I had to leave the condo, I have not had a permanent place to call home. I have been through a series of disastrous living arrangements which has finally culminated in my moving back in with my family an hour and a half away from my place of employment. Like Jerry Seinfeld says “You know your life is not exactly on track if you have to move back in with your parents.”

How does one get over the bitterness? I use to be a very independent person with my own home and own life. Now in mid life I’m living back home with no independence and feeling like a complete loser. Thanks Mr. Ex, I’m glad I was so good to you!

The Breakup

It happened when I got home from work. My partner was on the computer and he got up to go in the kitchen for something to drink. I sat down to read my emails and there it was. I break up letter in an email, while he was home! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. After 13 years, he thought an email was a sufficient way of ending our relationship. Actually, it was par for the course and was an example of how much he valued me and our relationship.

After the initial shock wore off, I was angry. Then I was sad, and then I was sad and angry. How could he do this to me? I’m 45! How was I to start over at this age? It’s been almost 3 years now and my emotions haven’t changed. I alternate between being sad and angry and at times I am both. I blame him for everything that has happened to me since, whether he deserves that or not. This is my story, a middle aged woman finding herself alone and financially destitute at a time of life when one is suppose to be enjoying the fruits of their years of hard work. I am hoping to reach others who are going through the same experience and let them know they are not alone.

We met when I was in my early thirties, me being a few years older than he. The first year of our relationship was topsy- turvy, we broke up several times and got back together. We moved in together when I got back from the Peace Corps and at first things were good. The last two years of our relationship however were not. He was cheating on me with a co-worker and treating me horribly. At one point I asked him if he was cheating and he had the gall to get angry with me for even saying such a thing. And then came the break up.



Stay tuned for more of my story and how I am coping with life spiraling out of control….